Airline Escapades
by reynamangga
Summary: Inuyasha, Miroku, Kagome, Sango, and Shippo are just trying to get back home to Narita International Airport in Tokyo, but they have some...obstacles...to deal with. Barf bag, anyone? Miroku's wearing enough on his head to go around! CHAPTER 3 UP
1. Can It Possibly Get Any Worse?

**Airline Escapades  
  
Prologue: Can It Possibly Get Any Worse?  
  
******

  
  
Disclaimer: Reynamangga and Rainwood gaze intently at a spinning globe. They chant as if participating in some sort of demonic ritual.  
  
Who owns Inuyasha? Who owns Inuyasha? _Who owns Inuyasha?!!_  
  
The volume of their cries mounts steadily until the Rainwood, the older of the pair, stabs her finger deep into the cardboardy depths of the cheap globe. The two survey her handiwork: a sizable hole somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, where Japan was once proudly displayed.  
  
Aughhhhhhhh! Wrong hemisphere!  
  
This just goes to show you, the two despairing authoresses do not own Inuyasha. Rumiko Takahashi, from the sizable cardboard hole where Japan was once proudly displayed, does.  
  


--~--  


  
...Last boarding call for flight IY1-7KG15...  
  
Two young men and a shriveled, flea-like geezer lazily made their way through a crowded airport. The first was a tall man with dog-ears. Greedily slurping a bowl of ramen, he viciously pushed, or rather, _kicked,_ a wheelchair bearing the parasitic being. The amount of steam billowing out of the said being's ears and nose increased with each jarring bounce. The other young man held a jangling staff and almost equally jangling earrings. His eyes were closed, giving him the appearance of one deep in thought. Anyone who knew him at all, however, would not need one glance at him to know that his mind was drifting. . .elsewhere.  
  
...I repeat, final boarding call for flight IY1-7KG15 at gate K9..  
  
The man's eyes snapped open. Gate K9- it sounded familiar. He desperately tried to remember what was so important about it but failed miserably. The tall man's strange ears twitched slightly, catching the mumblings of the meditating man, in spite of the constant murmur of the surrounding throng of people. Seeing that his ramen bowl was empty, he tossed it aside, hitting yet another unsuspecting bystander. Ignoring the resulting string of colorful foreign curses, he finally spoke up.  
  
Oi! Miroku! What are you mumbling about now?  
  
Inuyasha, does the phrase gate K9' ring a bell? I believe it holds some significance, but as to what, I can't quite recall...  
  
Inuyasha paused, briefly looking uncharacteristically thoughtful. Nope! I'm not sure when our next flight leaves, but I'm sure there's plenty of time, so I'm going to get another bowl of ramen.  
  
Miroku processed Inuyasha's statement. Perhaps we do have enough time to eat lunch before the departure of our next fli- next flight! Good kami, Inuyasha! That's it! We were supposed to be at gate K9 for that flight IY1-7KG15!  
  
And I care becau... Inuyasha stopped dead in his tracks, but not before giving the wheelchair one last extra-sharp kick.  
  
That was just our final boarding call, too! Miroku looked severely panicked at this point. Quick! If we run as fast as we can, maybe we can still make it!   
  
Come on, Myouga! We gotta go, NOW!!! Uh, Myouga? MYOUGA?!!  
  
Had it not been for Inuyasha's demonic hearing, the wheelchair's feeble squeaking would have escaped them, along with the wheelchair and its occupant.   
  
However. . .  
  
Inuyasha roared, Get back here, you senile idiot! Can't you even stop your stupid wheelchair  
  
Myouga, sir! Grab the wheels!  
  


--~--  


  
Passersby stared in shock at two men and a rogue wheelchair. Hurtling along at steadily increasing speeds, the ancient metal pile on oversized wheels left a trail of bits of wheelchair and spittle in its wake. Blissfully oblivious to the whole situation, the ancient _living_ pile had finally fallen asleep.   
  
They shook it off, returning to random conversations with random companions about random lives. After all, two men running after a snoring old man in a wheelchair that looked like it was about to break wasn't that unusual, was it?  
  
**  
  
  
  
Authors' Note: **   
  
*Reynamangga peels Inuyasha's carelessly discarded ramen bowl off of her face*  
  
Ick...what _is _this and where did it come fro...   
  
*examines a stringy something from the bowl; jumps ridiculously anime-esquely high*  
  
  
  


--~--  


  
Rainwood here...Reynamangga and I are co-writing this story since both of us are a little too messed up to tell a story that makes any sense at all without the other person...  
  
I'm proud to say that this *high quality-*   
  
*Reynamangga collapses in a choking fit; Rainwood shoots an icy glare in her general direction*   
  
-story concept is quite mine; it drifted across the universe to reach my open mind (there's my Beatles reference for the day!) in an excessively boring second period class...not so boring anymore!! We've been waiting for this fic to drift from my open mind to Reynamangga's open keyboard and it finally finished drifting now that I'm on Spring Break!  
  
Hope you like the story; there's tons more to come from the weirdish blobs in our heads that serve as brains! Read and review, you know you want to! (wow-that rhymes!)  
  
Cheers! ^_^


	2. Apparently, It Can

**A/N (aka quick annoying author's note): **Reynamangga and I had some...problems...*grumblegrumble* sooooo...Yup, this is a repost.**  
**

  
  
Airline Escapades  
  
Chapter 1: Apparently, It Can  
  
  
  


**Disclaimer: **Reynamangga and Rainwood sway to the beat of an unheard drum. Suddenly, they stop swaying. Rainwood lays two signs across from each other. One is labeled Us and the other Reynamangga stands in the middle. She extends one arm and proceeds to spin.  
  
Who owns Inuyasha? Who owns Inuyasha? _Who owns Inuyasha?!!  
  
_After twirling several times, she collapses, facing   
  
Unfortunately, her arm points to   
  
Stupid arm!  
  
Whoever owns Inuyasha is obviously not us, but them. Darn.  
  


--~--  
  


The two men bulldozed their way through the crushing droves of people, trying as hard as they could to get to Gate K9 as fast as they could.   
  
When Inuyasha came across a blockade of baggage, they were were all knocked over in a spectacular domino rally. The rally culminated in the upheaval of an extraordinarily large old lady. Luckily for the careless half-demon, Miroku was too busy running to notice Inuyasha's handiwork or deliver another aggravating lecture.  
  
Even with the great commotion Inuyasha and Miroku were creating, Myouga remained in his own little world of sick dreams and equally disturbing fantasies.  
  
When Miroku and Inuyasha had finally caught up to the murmuring old man, it was only because the wheels had fallen off of the wheelchair. They considered picking Myouga up and leaving the rusty remains of the ancient chair, but decided against it. If they did not keep the squeaky horror from the depths of heck, someone would have to carry the Sleeping Fruity. Because neither of them was particularly eager to take up the task, they decided to keep the chair. Though annoyed by the setback, they managed to reattach the wheels to the chair with the limited supplies in their carryon bags.  
  


--~--  


  
Minutes later, two annoyed adventurers and a sleeping form burst into Gate K9, causing the large crowd there to fall silent.   
  
Here they are! Hurry! Let us worship the Great Hunk of the Dog-Ears! A girl rushes forward.  
  
No! We must worship the Uber-Sexy Guru of Twisted Buddhism! A young woman wearing a miniskirt and a tube top throws herself at Miroku.  
  
Or not.   
  
When Miroku and Inuyasha tore into Gate K9, it was completely empty, save for a young woman at the counter and an old couple hobbling along while arguing over whose turn it was to use the dentures. Miroku looked at Inuyasha over the bubble-gum-and-dental-floss pile on wheels and wheelchair parts and sighed.  
  
There's no one he-   
  
Brilliant observation, Einstein.   
  
As I was saying, there's no one here. Could we have made a mista-  
  
The thing says Gate K9' in red, flashing letters.   
  
If you would refrain from interrupting me, I could get my point across. Miroku accentuated his sentence by closing his eyes and rapping Inuyasha several times with his staff. What I was attempting to say was, perhaps the call we heard earlier was not what we perceived and was, in fact, referring to a different flight. There's only one way to know, my good man.  
  
Miroku glanced meaningfully at the cute young girl standing at the check-in desk. And there is always the possibility of achieving other things while finding the solution to this particular enigma.  
  
You can't possibly do that! Inuyasha was appalled. She looks like she's fourteen or something!   
  
Have I said anything particularly horrifying? Miroku looked as dismayed as Inuyasha looked appalled. I know not what evils you accuse me of committing, but I assure you, I have no intentions but honorable ones!   
  


--~--  
  


Words could not describe Inuyasha's boredom. He sat next to Myouga, who was currently having convulsions and was calling out a name repeatedly. A male name. Preferring not to dwell on Myouga's questionable. . . _orientation_, Inuyasha turned his attention over to Miroku.   
  
He immediately wished he had not.   
  
The man's shameless flirting was bad enough, but what was worse and even more perplexing was the girl's blushing and giggling.  
  
Disconcerted by both of his companions, Inuyasha ended up marinating in a pool of self-pity. What a deep pool it was! The poor man couldn't even grab some ramen from one of his suitcases as they all were already on the airplane. Though he knew he would also be on the plane soon, he also knew that he would still be separated from the ramen for fifteen long, torturous hours.   
  
_Is it possible to go through ramen withdrawal?  
  
_He sighed and turned his head toward the window, intrigued.   
  
_Is the sky bluish-gray with a few wispy white clouds? Or, is it completely covered in white clouds and a bunch of grayish-blue clouds?  
_  


--~--  
  


Miroku was grinning. Mentally grasping a knob in his mind labeled suave charm and turning it down a notch or two, he casually mentioned flight IY1-7KG15 to the attendant. Her name was Koharu and she really_ was_ fourteen, but she still managed to get a job anyway.  
  
. . . Yeah. We're waiting for flight IY1-7KG15. I guess it's a small plane, because we're practically the only people here. Oh well, nothing wrong with that.  
  
Flight IY1-7KG15? Not the flight to Narita Airport, in Tokyo, Japan? Koharu blanched.   
  
Why yes, actually. One of Miroku's eyebrows rose slightly. Is there a reason you suddenly turned pale? Are you all right? Perhaps you are cold and you need a little _something_ to warm you up? One of Miroku's eyebrows rose to previously unreached heights.  
  
Koharu failed to notice the blatant innuendo in Miroku's last suggestion and gulped.   
  
I hate to tell you this, sir, but it left at least half an hour ago, moments before you arrived.  
  
Inuyasha caught this and bellowed Whaaaaaat?! NOOOOOOOOOO!! He was no longer gazing dully out of the window.  
  
Miroku blinked.   
  
Myouga snored.   
  
The clock ticked.  
  


--~--  


  
After eons of typing, or so it seemed, Koharu's face finally brightened.   
  
You guys are sooo lucky, Inuyasha snorted. Koharu ignored him and continued. There are three extra seats in business class on the next flight to Narita, flight 1S4-NG01619. If you want, I can just get you onto that flight. Go to Gate K8, it's across from here.  
  
Inuyasha looked at the incredibly crowded waiting area Koharu pointed at.  
  
Miroku blinked again.  
  
Myouga snored again.  
  
The clock ran out of batteries so it didn't tick again.  
  
Er, wait. Make that two extra seats in business class. Koharu typed furiously into her computer. There's a person in first class who could use some extra assistance due to a recent accident. The third extra seat is next to them.  
  
Inuyasha and Miroku were staring off into space. Their eyes had glazed over after the words extra assistance.   
  
She's really the sweetest, cutest woman I know. Would either of you two be willing to help her?  
  
The words and in quick succession to boot, instantly jolted Miroku back to life. Why, I could _never_ leave a person in need! I would be more than happy to offer my services! I can't wait to grab her butt- Koharu looked scandalized.   
  
Er, grab her bags! Yeah, I said grab her bags! Miroku laughed nervously.  
  
Great! I'm so glad. Look, she's right over there, in the red culottes and the white bell-sleeved shirt. Koharu waved at a lady, who, much to Miroku's chagrin, was neither cute or young. She looked at least 50 years old, complete with graying hair and multitudes of chins.  
  
Inuyasha looked at the lady again. He knew he had seen her somewhere, but he didn't know who she was or where he had seen her. She turned, giving Inuyasha a better look at her face. It clicked. _  
  
Crap, that's the old hag I knocked over earlier on the way here!_  
  
Inuyasha was not the only one who was less than pleased at who the sweet, cute lady was. Poor Miroku watched as one by one, all of his dreams of sitting next to a hot lady for fifteen hours went up in smoke.   
  
Well, not really. To be more specific, only one went up in smoke. One drowned, another zoomed out of sight like a deflating balloon, and several of the more graphic ones were squashed by a rain of smelly elephants.   
  
Myouga remained indifferent, but the fact that he was still asleep probably had something to do with it...   
  
Miroku looked back at Koharu and said his first truly honest statement about her in their whole conversation.  
  
Milady, it pains me to have to leave the company of one so pretty and charming like yourself.  
  
_I never realized how relative beauty is..._  
  
Please, grant me just one favor. Give me your phone number if you would allow me to keep in touch with you.  
  
Koharu giggled and blushed again, not aware that Inuyasha was rolling his eyes. She complied and then sighed.   
  
I guess you should go now. Unless something goes wrong, the plane will depart in 30 minutes.  
  
Today was filled with so many evils. . . I'm sure we have already made up for all of Inuyasha's bad karma by now. Miroku's priestly appearance regressed back to one of a soap opera star. Meeting you was the only candle in the darkness of my day. Though, it _was_ quite a large candle...   
  
Lightning flashed, followed by a roll of thunder that shook the entire building. An amazingly monotone voice spoke into a speaker.   
  
Flight S4-NG01619 will be delayed for 5 hours, I repeat, Flight S4-NG01619 will be delayed for 5 hours.  
  
You were right, Miroku. It couldn't _possibly_ have gotten worse.   
  
  
  
  
  
**Authors' Note:  
  
**

Reynamangga here! ^_^ I'm in a scarily perky mood, for reasons unknown to anyone on the face of this earth. This is my first fanfic, and it's not even quite mine, as Rainwood is helping.  
  
*looks over shoulder, and is happy to see that Rainwood is occupied with Rurouni Kenshin*  
  
However, everybody should know *I'm* the real driving force behind this story.   
  
*Rainwood comes in with sakabato and beats Reynamangga senseless*  
  
Mm Hm! Back to what I was saying earlier, I never realized how nice it was to get reviews until I started writing. Here's the first one this fic got, from luvs_fluffys_sexy_butt(_,_)  
  
your fic is so kewl! can fluffy's butt make an appearance? *drool*  
  
If you think this is just another bizarre joke, you can go click the reviews link at the top and I swear it will be there.   
  
*Rainwood pops head in- Don't forget to review while you're there!*   
  
As an extra bonus to luvs_fluffys_sexy_butt(_,_), yes, Sesshoumaru's butt will make an appearance within the next couple of chappies. Thank you, chemistry_freak and animeguru for reviewing. Glad to know someone is reading this, other than me...  
Sometimes I'm not sure if anyone finds me funny, and if I'm just strange, but I guess somebody does. It's really encouraging. Okay, I'm done rambling for the time being. Everybody wave hello to the chicken! ~:


	3. Five Frolicking FunFilled Hours

**A/N (don't these get annoying?!!): **Yup, another repost...**  
**

  
Airline Escapades  
  
Chapter 2: Five Frolicking Fun-Filled Hours  
  
  
  
****

Disclaimer: Miroku, Rainwood, and Reynamangga are standing in front of a patriotically decorated McBurger King establishment.  
  
Freedom Fries?' What? We love French Fries! Rainwood and Reynamangga intone in the background as Miroku ceremoniously marches to the cashier inside.  
  
Je voudrais des frites, s'il vous plaît. _I would like some fries, please._  
  
The particularly pimply teen looks perplexed, his free smile fading quickly.  
  
Je pense que vous en savez, les frites...de les pommes des terres...Je sais que vous savez. _I think you know them, fries...from potatoes...I know you know._  
  
Oh way-ell, it don't matter none. We don't serve no French fruitcakes like you here.  
  
Miroku can be seen flying out the door, his body flailing as he falls to the ground.  
  
Just as Miroku will never properly own any French fries, Rainwood solemnly declares, We will never properly own Inuyasha.  
  


--~--  


  
Miroku and Inuyasha walked out of Gate K8, leaving dirty little Sleeping Fruity in an appropriately dirty little corner of the room. Upon realizing they had five hours until departure, Inuyasha had immediately insisted upon getting some ramen. Miroku, however, was sure that such an unvaried diet couldn't be healthy. He finally managed to persuade Inuyasha that although cheeseburger value meals weren't ramen, they were still somewhat filling and in their tight budget.  
  
So here they were, in front of McBurger King's, trying to find a way to disperse the gigantic herd of hungry travelers without getting killed in the process. Miroku was considering their options for obtaining a free meal once they reached the desk.   
  
Perhaps he could charm a meal out of the the cashier person?   
  
Perhaps not. The counter guy appeared to be a decidedly straight, male sumo wrestler, unlike their dear friend, Myouga. However, Inuyasha still refused to leave without some Here were their options, as Miroku saw it:  
  
  
**1.** Wait in line for six hours to get close enough to steal something, then run away.   
  
**Cons:** They would undoubtedly be killed by employees and security guards for not paying. They would also miss their flight.  
  
**2. ** Go somewhere else and wait in line for eight hours, rather than the original six.  
  
**Cons:** Same as above.  
  
**3. **Suggest just going without food.   
  
**Cons:** Miroku would have died a painful death at the hands of Inuyasha for the mere suggestion. Inuyasha and Myouga would definitely starve to death as Miroku was the only person capable of conning free meals.  
  
**4. ** Grab some chicken nuggets from the fat lady behind the fake tree.  
  
**Cons:** Miroku, Inuyasha, and Myouga would be ripped apart by the woman's pet rottweiler, which bore a strange resemblance to its owner.  
  
**5. ** Dig through the trash can and eat whatever they find there.  
  
**Cons:** The group would probably contract fatal diseases from digesting so much unsanitary waste.  
  
  
The list went on and on, each possibility resulting in numerous untimely demises. Miroku opted for the most daring of his ideas, eyeing the red, white, and blue worn by most of the people in the crowd. Steeling himself, he spoke.  
  
Avez-vous des frites? Nous en voudrions, s'il vous plaît... _Do you have any fries? We would like some, please..._  
  


--~--  


  
The crowd hushed for a second before responding with angry, questioning titters. Inuyasha clenched his fists in exasperation, realizing what Miroku was about to do and that it was too late to stop him.   
_  
Honestly, couldn't Miroku have chosen a better place to pull this one?   
_  
He wants french fries, you idiots. Inuyasha decided to get it over with as soon as possible.  
  
French Fries? French Fries?!! _They're Freedom Fries!_ Apparently, this was not such a good idea. Inuyasha was nearly crushed into oblivion by the angry people pressing against him.  
  
Miroku and Inuyasha looked on in shock as the crowd pulled away and formed a tight circle around them, the volume of their little mantra mounting by the second.  
  
Freedom Fries! _Freedom Fries!_ _FREEDOM FRIES!_   
  
The rottweiler behind the plastic tree bared his teeth, his homicidal tendencies seeming even more pronounced than before. Inuyasha barely managed to grab Miroku and leap away under a barrage of flying Freedom Fries and All-American Cheeseburgers; once again utilizing his demonic powers.  
  


--~--  
  


Miroku, I swear that is the frickin' stupidest thing you've ever frickin' done! You could have frickin' gotten us frickin' killed! Feh!  
  
Feh' your frickin' self. Miroku, serene as ever, daintily sipped some Sprite from a paper cup. I did get us a free meal. Here, have a Freedom Fry.' Inuyasha caught the greasy projectile and took a large bite of a hamburger.   
  
More like almost getting us killed. You'd think that you'd learn after that little incident in New York, but _noooo_. Oh well, at least you didn't grope all the girls during our getaway again.  
  
What makes you think that one so noble as I could be capable of an act so despicable as that? Miroku's wide-eyed innocence did not fool Inuyasha, especially as the accused pervert was eyeing two young ladies in identical outfits with a young child.  
  
Inuyasha followed the direction of Miroku's gaze and was completely disgusted.   
  
Again.   
  
Okay, first that minor, Koharu; then that...that slut, Yura; and now, two girls with a little brat!  
  
Inuyasha! I did not like the slut at all!  
  


~flashback (Miroku's version)~  
_  
_

A woman in an outfit that looked four or five sizes too small took the bags from Inuyasha and Miroku's hands, somehow managing to stroke Inuyasha's hair and face in the process.  
  
La! Your hair is so soft! I must know why it's like that! Let me cut a bit off, just three or four inches!   
  
The bags and Myouga lay forgotten as Inuyasha tried his best to hide behind Miroku. The lady twirled and looked at Miroku, her skirt flipping upward for a moment. Your hair has so much potential, too! You just need to use conditioner and get it out of that little rat-tail on the back of your head.  
  
Rat-tail?!!_  
  
Miroku had to defend his black locks. Since he couldn't hide behind Inuyasha, he tried to divert the woman's attention. Smiling, he took one suitcase from the lady's hand, placed it on the examining table, and opened it.  
  
Our flight will be taking off soon. Perhaps you should check our luggage now?  
  
The lady bent down, showing an alarming amount of cleavage, and proceeded to draw items out. When she came across a little stuffed bear, Inuyasha's back visibly stiffened behind Miroku. The hanyou was obviously fighting to keep his face impassive.   
  
Corduroy Bear?! La! I've always wanted a Corduroy Bear! Omigosh! He's so soft, as if he were made with real hair! she squealed. Inuyasha's back cracked as he attempted to straighten and cower simultaneously. The woman continued to babble and rub the bear against her cheek.  
  
. . . and my mother said, Yura! After you gave Winnie the Pooh that haircut,' we couldn't possibly let you have a stuffed Corduroy Bear! Oh! Look! It's missing a button, too, just like in the story! I wonder what it looks like underneath the overalls?  
  
The pair watched in shock as Yura proceeded to undress the poor toy. Inuyasha finally decided to save his bear from the indignities.  
  
Hey, lady! We didn't come here so you could play with our stuff. C'mon! Hurry up with the inspection!  
  
Yura sighed. Oh, alright. La! But I was having so much fun! Inuyasha exhaled in relief. Then, he noticed that Yura did not put down his beloved bear. He looked on unhappily when she began to tuck it under her armpit. When she reconsidered and stuffed it between her thighs, Inuyasha began to shake violently.  
  
While digging through the next bag, she pulled out a hot pink speedo.  
  
La? What's this? A weasel squeezer? She squeezed her legs around Corduroy and looked at Inuyasha suggestively. She saw he was shuddering, so she shrugged it off and looked at Miroku. Or maybe it's yours? I'm sure it would look so. . . sexy.  
  
It was quite unfortunate. Miroku couldn't stand her. He coughed. Um, actually it's Myouga's.  
  
La? Who is this Myouga? Yura looked around for a cute guy, throwing her hands up.  
  
Miroku coughed again. Erm. . . he's right there.  
  
Much to Yura's disappointment, it was the one she had purposely overlooked. She dropped the offending article of clothing as if it had burned her fingers.  
  
  
  
She moved onto the next bag.   
  
Deciding that _Divine Inner Peace: Reaching Nirvana_ and _The Way of Buddha_ were both unimportant, she reached for Inuyasha's bag again, hoping for more Corduroy bear merchandise. Seeing as there was none, she slowly pulled Corduroy out from between her legs. This bear is suspicious. I must confiscate it for...further inspection. She licked her lips.  
  
Inuyasha stopped shaking and began to rock back and forth on his heels distressedly. Sensing his counterpart's anguish, Miroku stepped in.   
  
Pardon me, but I don't believe a teddy bear could be harmful in any way. Kindly put it back in the bag and allow us to depart.  
  
La! But Corduroy and I were having so much fun! We were going to have a tea party with Barbie and play dress up and Pretty Pretty Princess! And best of all, we could give each other makeovers and play with each other's hair. . .  
_  


~end of flashback (Miroku's version)~  
  


That's not how I remember it, liar.  
  


~flashback (Inuyasha's version)~  
_  
_

A young woman caught Miroku's attention as she ran her fingers through Inuyasha's hair and took their bags. She was wearing what looked like an airplane uniform-turned-Victoria's-Secret-product.  
  
La! Your hair is so soft! I must know why it's like that! Let me cut a bit off, maybe three or four inches.  
  
Inuyasha hid behind Miroku in sheer terror, while Miroku drew himself up and raised his eyebrows suggestively. Noticing Miroku, the woman turned to him, skirt flipping upward.   
  
Your hair has so much potential, too! she breathed. You just need to use conditioner and get it out of that little rat-tail on the back of your head.  
  
Miroku ran his hand down hers and took his suitcase back. Placing it on the table to be checked, he grinned at her in a way that worried Inuyasha.  
  
Our flight will be taking off soon. Perhaps you should...check our luggage now? Miroku's eyebrows waggled more than the tail on an about-to-pounce cat on speed.  
  
The lady bent down to examine the bags while Miroku drooled over the amount of cleavage she was showing. She rummaged though Inuyasha's luggage and pulled out a bear, squealing. Corduroy Bear?! La! I've always wanted a Corduroy Bear! Omigosh! He's so soft, as if he were made with real hair!  
  
Miroku was in too much of a daze to process what the lady said, but Inuyasha immediately cringed, pitying his teddy. The torture went on and on...  
  
. . . and my mother said, Yura! After you gave Winnie the Pooh that haircut,' we couldn't possibly let you have a stuffed Corduroy Bear! Oh! Look! It's missing a button, too, just like in the story! I wonder what it looks like underneath the overalls?  
  
Can stuffed animals file for sexual harassment?  
  
_Inuyasha watched in horror while Miroku was probably wishing _he_ was under Yura's hands. Inuyasha tried to end Cordoroy's torture without looking ridiculous.   
  
Hey, lady! We didn't come here so you could play with our stuff. C'mon! Hurry up with the inspection!  
_  
_Oh, alright. La! But I was having so much fun! Yura sighed and pushed the unlucky bear in between her legs to free her hands for the next suitcase.   
  
_Corduroy or my pride? Corduroy or my last shreds of dignity? Corduroy or my life...wait...Corduroy _is_ my life! Corduroy or the fate of the universe? Corduroy or..._  
  
Inuyasha decided that Corduroy was going to have to go through the washer once or twice. He would have burned anything so contaminated, but as this was Corduroy...  
  
Inuyasha was yanked out of his little reverie at an exclamation from Yura.  
_  
_La? What's this? A weasel squeezer? She was holding a hot pink speedo. She threw a predatory glance at Inuyasha, who closed his eyes and shuddered. Unperturbed, she licked and bit her lips and looked at Miroku, who nearly fainted. He began to twitch again, probably wishing he was in Yura's long fingers, not the speedo. Or maybe it's yours? I'm sure it would look so. . . sexy.  
  
Shaking himself, Miroku coughed. Um, actually it's Myouga's.  
  
La? Who is this Myouga? Yura spun around, looking for some cute guy she had overlooked, giving Miroku another healthy glimpse up her skirt when it flew up.  
  
Erm...he's right there. Miroku coughed again and pointed to the being with the questionable orientation.   
  
Unable to hide her dismay, Yura dropped the speedo like it was a hot coal.   
  
Not wanting to have anything to do with something the geezer had touched, Yura closed the suitcase and opened Miroku's. Miroku visibly enjoyed watching Yura handle his items, especially his underclothes. The process was quick, much to Miroku's probable displeasure, as she did not seem to have a great interest in his books about meditation and inner peace. Her interest in Corduroy was undiminished, unfortunately. She fished it out from between her legs.  
  
This bear is suspicious. I must confiscate it for...further inspection.  
  
At this declaration, Inuyasha nearly cried. He was unable to bear the thought of his cherished Corduroy caught in the hands of that witch. Miroku didn't seem to like the idea either, though, he would obviously have different reasons...  
  
Pardon me, but I don't believe a teddy bear could be harmful in any way. Kindly put it back in the bag and allow us to depart. With a triumphant nod at Inuyasha, Miroku liberated the bear.  
  
La! But Corduroy and I were having so much fun! We were going to have a tea party with Barbie and play dress up and then we could have played Pretty Pretty Princess! And then, best of all, we could give each other makeovers and play with each other's hair. . .  
_  


~end of flashback (Inuyasha's version)  
  


I assure you, she was a bit too low down, even for me.  
  
I'm not so sure, Miroku. You're pretty bad.  
  
I think your entire image of me is slathered with plethoras of unflattering assumptions and misconceptions.  
  
You think my perception of you is skewed? No, I think you're just in denial, mister.  
  
The pair was cut off as the two women with the little child from before all of the awkward flashbacks approached. Correction: The little child approached and the two women chased him.  
  
Are those real? The kid bounced onto Inuyasha's head and poked at his ears. Those're cool! I have weird body parts, too. See? Looky at my tail!   
  
One girl rushed forward. Shippo! Please don't bother those two men. I'm so sorry, sirs. We didn't mean to interrupt your conversation.  
  
Aww, Kagome! They're nice! He directed his attention at Inuyasha and Miroku. You don't mind at all, do you?  
  
He has been no bother to us at all. Please, stay and grace us with your company. Miroku took the initiative.   
  
Wow, mister! Much to Inuyasha's annoyance, the child stopped poking his ears and began to pull them. Your ears are so stretchy! I haven't had this much fun since I was talking to those urinals!  
  
After an awkward pause and the exchange of several strange looks, Miroku broke the silence.  
  
A rather unorthodox use of a urinal, yet, it is strangely satisfying, I admit.  
  
After an even more awkward pause and many more strange looks, Inuyasha glanced at Miroku.   
  
And you would know this because. . .?  
  
Everyone except for Shippo and Miroku sweatdropped and face-faulted at the mental image. When Inuyasha felt more tugs at his ears, he remembered there was still something on his head. Roughly grabbing Shippo's tail, he dragged him away from his precious ears  
  
Get off of my head, you annoying little runt!  
  
Shippo suddenly transformed into a pink balloon guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of all men. Proceeding to gnaw on Inuyasha's ears, he grumbled about rude people and runts.  
  
The other lady, who later introduced herself as Sango, stepped up and pulled Shippo away from Inuyasha's ears. She turned to Miroku, as he seemed to be the more pleasant of the two.   
  
Well, how long have you guys been here? How have you managed to keep yourselves sane? I think the wait has gotten to some of the people. There was an old lady on crutches muttering about crazy mutt-men and and old guy on a wheelchair loudly extolling the wonders of Fabio and bare-chested modeling. We left when he tried to get a kiss from the pilot...er...the guy who _will_ be the pilot when our flight actually starts.  
  
Actually, the man in the wheelchair is supposed to be with us. It was Miroku's turn to sweatdrop.   
  
Oh, I'm so sorry I said that. I just-  
  
It's nothing. It's not like we don't say the same kind of things either...but... if you would _really_ like to express your remorse, you _could_ do a favor for me.  
  
Sure. What is it? questioned poor, unsuspecting Sango.  
  
Inuyasha, who was in the middle of an argument with Kagome on the proper disciplination of children, suddenly stopped in horror.  
  
I don't believe you! Don't do it!  
  
Don't do what? said Kagome, startled.  
  
Not you, wench, Miroku!   
  
Unfortunately, it was too late to stop Miroku.   
  
Would you honor me so much as to bear my child?  
  
Miroku fell to the ground, even more out of it than the Sleeping Fruity. It was to be expected, though, as he was viciously whacked by both Inuyasha and Sango. Kagome stood in shock, while Shippo shook his head.  
  
What did you just call me? Kagome advanced on Inuyasha.  
  
Huh? Oh, that... wench.' Got a a problem with it?   
  
Inuyasha joined Miroku in his Hello, Mr. Floor party. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the damage was not quite as lasting as Miroku's. Inuyasha was on his feet again fairly quickly. Hey! What was that for?  
  
For being rude!  
  
You call that rude? I'll show you rude!  
  
Shippo and Sango watched from the sidelines. Looking up at Sango from her arms, the child remarked, You know, they fight the way my parents used to.  
  
Really now? Sango watched in mild surprise. She had never seen _this_ side of Kagome before. Hmm...I hope your parents weren't quite as violent as these two are. Kagome should be careful or else that yellow backpack of hers will burst. Oh, and is it completely necessary for you to rub my butt?  
  
Shippo looked up at Sango indignantly until he realized she wasn't talking to him. He looked behind Sango to see Miroku rubbing a bright red handprint on his cheek.  
  
...I was merely brushing crumbs off your pants!  
  
It was not a question.   
  
Meanwhile, Inuyasha and Kagome did not seem to be faring much better.  
  
Well, you're just a stupid weakling!   
  
And you're an ugly mutt!  
  
At least I'm not fat!   
  
Hmph! I have _much_ better things to do than hang around rabies-infested animals like you, Kagome snapped. Come on, Shippo.   
  
Sure you do. Inuyasha raised an eyebrow in challenge.  
  


--~--  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Spicky? I'm not so sure about that one, Shippo. Kagome looked at Shippo dubiously. They had returned after about 5 minutes and 34.6 seconds.  
  
Perhaps he means spicky, as in spick and span, Miroku offered  
  
Hehe...that's exactly what I mean, Miroku!  
  
Okay, moving on, how about quickie? Miroku suggested. Sango rolled her eyes.  
  
  
  
Inuyasha, that doesn't rhyme. Kagome rolled her eyes.  
  
You didn't let me finish! How do you know I was going to say Marshmallow!' Maybe I was going to say Marshmallowicky!'   
  
There's no such word, Inuyasha.  
  
  
  
Oh, just let it go. It's my turn. Sango smoothed the situation over before Inuyasha and Kagome had another full-blown argument.  
  
Fine, Sango.  
  
Inuyasha blurted out.  
  
Inuyasha, Kagome already said that, and it's _my_ turn.  
  
I hate you.  
  
Anyway, my word is cliquey. Your turn, Miroku.  
  
. . .  
  
  
  
  
  
A collective groan went through the group, save for Shippo and Miroku.  
  
Kagome? What's a hickey?  
  
Miroku grinned at Shippo. Well, my good boy, a hickey is a wonderful thing caused by-  
  
Once again, Miroku met Mr. Floor (Fancy meeting you again.), courtesy of Sango, Kagome, and Inuyasha. Kagome managed to quell Shippo's sudden urge to know what a hickey was by casually mentioning cooties. Seeing that the rhyming game might not have been such a brilliant idea with Miroku around, Kagome suddenly perked up.  
  
Hey! Lets make a chain story!  
  
This suggestion prompted a variety of responses from the rest of the little group, which was still working its way through the pile of food from McBurger King.  
  
Yeah! This'll be so much fun! Needless to say, Shippo was very enthusiastic about the idea.  
  
Well, alright, said Sango, If there's nothing else to do.  
  
Why would anyone want to do something stupid like that? Inuyasha wasn't particularly crazy about the idea. He was badly outnumbered, especially once Miroku peeled himself off of the ground and offered his vote in favor of the chain story. Kagome started.  
  
Once upon a time, a pretty and kind shrine-girl was walking to school in good old Tokyo, Japan. It was her fifteenth birthday, and it was going perfectly well until...um...her brother ran up to her, panting. Buyo's lost! Quick, help me find him!' Oops, looks like it's your turn, Inuyasha.  
  
Feh. I still think this is a stupid idea. Ok, let's see. She slipped and fell into a pond. She was too stupid to remember she could swim, so she drowned. The end.  
  
Are you sure that was completely necessary, Inuyasha? Sango's query was more of a threat.  
  
I quite agree with Sango, Miroku's head bobbed in agreement, This is a _chain_ story, not a let's-end-the-story-as-grotesquely-and-quickly-as-we-can story.  
  
I didn't get a turn, Kagome! Make him change his part!  
  
Kagome looked at Inuyasha expectantly.   
  
Fine. Okay, she didn't fall into a pond and die. It turns out that the cat fell down the well at their shrine. She dragged it out and gave it to her brother before being grabbed by a centipede-freak and getting kil-  
  
I believe it is my turn, now. Miroku cleared his throat. Anyway, the girl managed to beat off the monster with a holy light from her hand. She climbed out of the well to find that she was not in Tokyo anymore.   
  
The first thing she saw was a handsome and strapping young lad, pinned to a huge and battered tree with a sharp arrow. She gasped, her breath taken away by his brawny good looks. She moves closer, getting ready to do what she had subconsciously longed to do for all fifteen years of her young life.   
  
Miroku forgot to pay attention to his verb tenses in his excitement. He never did like English class as much as French... She reaches over and moves herself closer to his face, leaning in and-  
  
Rubbing his ears! Sango had just saved the g-rating of their chain story.   
  
At the questioning glances from the rest of the group (though Miroku's looked more accusing), she took inspiration from Inuyasha's appendages and quickly explained her puzzling statement. She had never seen anything like them before; white, fuzzy, and on top of his head, like a dog. Sango looked pointedly at Inuyasha.  
  
said Kagome. I've actually been wondering what they feel like.  
  
Shippo started to jump up and down in excitement. Feel them, Kagome! They're really funny because they start moving when you pinch them and if you-  
  
Shut up! Shippo was cut off as Inuyasha started pounding a fist on the fox-demon's head again, creating many painful bumps. Once again taking the form of the deadly pink balloon, Shippo viciously gnawed on Inuyasha's ears until Inuyasha poked him with a stale Freedom Fry.  
  
The fight was settled with what soon became routine:  
  
-Shippo cried to Kagome,  
-Kagome chewed out Inuyasha,  
-Inuyasha was slammed into the ground.  
  
With that cleared up, Sango resumed the story.  
  
Anyway, she rubbed his ears until...er...a group of men started shooting arrows at her. They demanded to know what she was doing in the dog-man's forest. Okay, Shippo. You can go now.  
  
Alright. They took her to the center of the village, where an old lady looked at her. The lady then proclaimed the girl to be human, despite her strange clothing. People still looked at her funny, though, because...um...she looked like...um...the old woman's dead older sister. It's your turn again, Kagome.  
  
Judging from the houses and clothing of the people, the girl decided that she was in Sengoku Jidai, the Warring States Era. It was interesting, but she still wasn't quite sure how do get back home. Go, Inuyasha.  
  
. . .  
  
Inuyasha? _Inuyasha?!!_  
  
Okay, okay! Don't get your panties in a twist, girl. Kagome glared, but Inuyasha continued. So then, the centipede-freak came back to get the girl, screaming about the jewel. Since she was a wuss, she ran back into the forest.  
  
Miroku took over again. So the girl happened to chance upon the hot boy again. Somehow, he had begun to wake up after a 50-year slumber. When the girl arrived, he decides that she's pretty and that he wants to grab her and-  
  
Kill her! Once again, Sango rescued the rating of their story.   
  
Anyway, the rest of the group was slightly startled by Sango's outburst but looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to enlighten them again. It turned out that the boy's former lover was the older sister the old lady had mentioned earlier. She had suddenly betrayed him by attacking him, while he ended up delivering her a fatal wound. In the end, the girl from the future was about to get killed by the centipede when the boy told her that if she pulled the arrow out of him, he would save their lives.  
  
So, she did. But during the fight, the centipede bit her, and the jewel everyone wanted came out of her side. Once the boy had killed the centipede, he turned around and tried to kill the girl again. . .  
  


--~--  
  


And then the two came upon the most annoying brat in the world, a stupid runt of a kitsune...kit-  
*poke*_  
  
*poke*  
Inuyasha glared and repeatedly stabbed at the pink balloon of horrors with handfuls of stale freedom fries. Miroku took over.  
  
At least, that is what the dog-boy thought. The girl thought the boy was so adorable, so cute, that she knew at the moment that she loved him more than anything-  
  
Like the mother he lost or an older sister he never had. After this amazing rescue, Sango pictured herself in a black and pink catsuit, with SUPER SANGO emblazoned across her front. Well, maybe the SUPER SANGO was a bit much. . .  
_

--~--  
  


And then the reincarnated priestess girl from the future saw a very holy Buddhist monk who gives a whole new meaning to the phrase heavenly bodies.' She is captivated by his chivalrous nature. He's so desirable, so utterly sexy, that- Miroku was getting into the story, gesticulating wildly.  
  
The half-demon dog-boy whacked him a good one and told him to keep his hands off the girl. Sango was quite surprised to find that Inuyasha had beat her to the punch and saved the story himself.   
  
_Never mind the fact that it wasn't his turn..._  
  


--~--  
  


And then a young demon exterminator appeared. She was a teenage girl wearing a black and pink catsuit... Argh! These freedom fries are so greasy! I'm going to wash my hands. I'll be right back, okay? Sango was too intent on the shiny residue on her fingers to notice the grin on Miroku's face. She walked off, unaware of the torture her masterpiece character would soon go through.  
  
Kagome? Are you sure that it's alright for us to continue without her?  
  
It'll be fine, Shippo. Nothing too bad can happen.  
  
Okay, then you can have my turn, cause I don't know what to do.  
  
Alright. It turns out that this demon exterminator was another victim of the baboon man's treachery. She had come from a village of demon exterminators, the very same village where the jewel had been created. . .  
  


--~--  
  


The exterminator is injured, so the former monk knows he must try to heal her. Starting with the wounds on her chest, he peels back the bloody cloth-  
  
Miroku met Mr. Floor yet another time. (I do hope I don't bump into you again, no offense or anything. I'm just running out of witty ways to greet you.) There, above him, stood Sango, an extremely large golf bag in hand, eyebrows twitching in fury.   
  
Don't you dare mess with _my_ character! How could you guys have let him do that? Sango whirled upon the rest of the cowering group. Oh well, it's not beyond repair, right? The lines in the restroom were so long, and I just needed to wash my hands...  
  
Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippo shrank away. Kagome finally mustered enough courage to speak.   
  
Uh, actually, the group defeated the baboon man about- Kagome checked her watch -twenty minutes ago. The demon exterminator and the monk got married fifteen minutes ago and...ahem...consummated it about...ahem...fourteen minutes ago.  
  
It's all Miroku's fault! It was all the pervert, we swear! We had absolutely nothing to do with it! Seeing the deadly glare on Sango's face, Shippo and Inuyasha finally agreed on something.   
  
Ever heard of the expression saved by the bell? That's sort of what happened to Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippo. Suddenly, the monotone voice from earlier came over the loudspeaker. First boarding call for flight S4-NG01619!  
  
Miroku was suddenly conscious again. Hey, I thought you two said you were flight attendants. Shouldn't you have boarded earlier?  
  
Because Sango was in no state to talk without killing someone first, Kagome spoke.   
  
Actually, we were assigned to escort an unaccompanied minor onboard and keep an eye on him, so we'll be going with Shippo pretty soon.  
  
Miroku and Inuyasha were both safe from Sango's wrath.   
  
For the time being.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Authors' Note:  
  
**Rainwood's here! This chapter is definitely the longest one we've ever written. It was oodles and boodles of fun to write!  
  
I'm back at school again T_T However, this means I have more time to ponder about strange things. Like, the word It's quite a weird word...the only place I've ever seen it is on British stuff and once on Foxtrot, one of my favorite comic strips. It rhymes with goober, which sounds like booger. So, I spent that second period class pondering that and the wonders of uber boogers...  
  
About all the freedom fries stuff...I hope we didn't come across as being unpatriotic. I support my country and its military and all, but I think many people's actions here at home are humorously ridiculous. Freedom Fries? Honestly! Has anybody read May fourth's Doonesbury? Here's the URL:  
  
  
  
Blahaha...what timing-I read it right after we finished writing this chapter. I swear, we had no idea that they'd talk about freedom fries! Oh yeah, and I have nothing against the French. I've been taking French since middle school and I'm visiting France this summer...I can't wait!  
  
There was my patriotic spiel for a while...  
  
We actually got reviews! Yippee!  
  
**Araki-chan:** I'm glad you like the story! Go ahead and use the phrases, glad you liked those too ^_^ If you use it in a story you post on ff.net, couldja mention ours?  
  
**Keri Maxwell:** I thought the smelly elephants part was funny too when Reynamangga thought of it!  
  
Sorry this chapter took so long...review a bunch and maybe the next one'll come faster!!!   
  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ^_^  
  
Rainwood  
  
  
  
Hello! This is Reynamangga! Just wanted to add on to what Rainwood said. How many of you liked the phrase weasel squeezers? I absolutely loved it, sick as it may sound. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world when my French teacher mentioned it, though maybe I'm just more twisted than I thought I was. Okay, does anybody know who Fabio is? If not, it's incredibly funny. Apparently, he was on a roller coaster and he got hit on the head with a goose or duck or something. The thing I read it from claimed that no ordinary man could have lived through it, but Fabio obviously had. Heh. At one of our school's sad attempts at a talent show, some brilliant person signed Sir Fabio up for bare-chested modeling. The teachers were all slightly miffed. Anyway, I had so much fun writing this chapter, though I had to yell at Rainwood for reading over my shoulder while I wrote. _Unnerving_.   
  
*Rainwood turns around from watching who-knows-what on TV and gives Reynamangga the patented glare o' death*  
  
I'm going to hate having you as a backseat driver, I say.  
  
I'm the one who's gonna be driving *Rainwood chucks the remote at Reynamangga and goes back to the TV.*  
  
Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Great talking to you, but I gotta run. See ya!


	4. Finally on a Plane

**Airline Escapades  
  
Chapter 3: Finally on a Plane  
**  
  
  


**Disclaimer**: Our two favorite authoresses are sitting in a flowery garden. Ah, Rainwood. It's such a beautiful day, don't you think? Hey! Look at all of these flowers! This gives me an idea. . .  
  
Oh, great. What is it now, Reynamangga?  
  
Watch me in my brilliant glory and see! Reynamangga said this as she picked up a six-petaled daisy. Ok, it's a six-petaled daisy. Now watch me as I start. Reynamangga pulled a petal out. We own Inuyasha.  
  
Flower killer, muttered Rainwood.  
  
What was that? Reynamangga brandished a sharp pair of garden shears.  
  
Nothing, nothing at all.  
  
Alrighty then. Now I'll continue. We don't own Inuyasha. Reynamangga pulled out another petal, leaving four in. Oh, crap! Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! If I continue like this, I'll end on We don't own Inuyasha!'   
  
Hm. You're right. Rainwood bent over and studied the poor, mangled flower. You should've started on We don't own Inuyasha.'   
  
Oh, wait. I'll just pull out _two_ petals this time! Reynamangga viciously ripped out two petals.  
  
No! Don't cheat! Here, start over. This one has five petals. Rainwood, handed Reynamangga another daisy. Just make sure you start on We own Inuyasha.'   
  
I know, I know! We own Inuyasha, we don't own Inuyasha. We own it, we don't. WE OWN INUYASHA! Reynamangga thrust her fist into the air triumphantly, but then stopped mid-punch Holy crap. Tell me another petal did _not_ just grow on there...  
  


--~--  


  
Well, we'll probably see you guys on the plane, so you don't hafta worry about never seeing us again. Shippo's head bobbed up and down in a way strikingly similar to Myouga's seizures.  
  
Feh! You don't seriously think I would want to see you again, do you? I pity the poor person who's gonna be stuck next to you, brat. How long is the flight? Fifteen hours? I doubt they'll make it out alive! While Inuyasha did feel some sympathy for whoever sat next to Shippo, he was also inwardly thanking some high-up and mystical deity for not forcing him to deal with Shippo any longer.  
  
Speaking of seating arrangements, where will you three be sitting? Sango, who had recovered from her earlier state of shock and fury, made an attempt to steer the conversation away from what she knew would soon be another Shippo-cries-to-Kagome-who-then-kills-Inuyasha type of thing.  
  
I will be in seated in 9-F. Miroku pulled a slip of paper from one of his many pockets.  
  
Excited, Shippo opened up one of the compartments in Kagome's yellow backpack to retrieve his ticket and found, wonder of wonders--`  
  
--nothing. Shippo cocked his head in confusion before snapping his fingers and opening the zippered pouch right next to it to find--  
  
--a couple cloves of garlic, a cross, a pointy wooden stick, mummified remains of some sort of animal's foot, and a rubber chicken. Something told him that his ticket was not one of the aforementioned items, so he unzipped the next pocket of the backpack, beginning to panic. In it he found--  
  
--several plastic-wrapped tubes and squishy somethings (Rainwood: Reynamangga was _adamant_ about Shippo's finding Kagome's *cough* _feminine *cough* products_. . . it wasn't me, ok?!!). The young boy was hyperventilating now, knowing that he could not board the plane without a ticket.   
Kagome! I can'tfindmyticketIdidn'tmean *deep breath* toloseitreallyI *really deep breath* didn'twhatarewegoingtodo? *even deeper breath* pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleasedon'tbeangry!!!!!   
  
What was that, Shippo? I'm sorry, but I can't understand you when talk so quickly. Oh yeah, and your ticket says you sit in row 11, seat B. That's in business class, right behind the wall between the business and first classes. Kagome waved a slip of paper nearly identical to Miroku's in her right hand. Poor Shippo never realized she had been holding it the entire time.  
  
Inuyasha looked at his ticket, straining to read the stupidly small type on the bottom of his. My ticket says I'm going to sit in seat 11-C. . .oh, crap.  
  


--~--  
  


Somewhere high-up and mystical, a deity smiled, partially because of his own sick and twisted humor, and partially because his latest action gave him more chances to mess with the lives of several pathetic mortals. It was too bad that he had to mess up the poor man's next fifteen hours; he had rather liked being thanked and praised.  
  


--~--  
  


The group ignored Inuyasha's amazing vocabulary. It was amazing how quickly they all became desensitized to his display of expletive language. Kagome and Sango began to lead Shippo to the ramp connecting the airport to the airplane before Kagome suddenly stopped in her tracks.  
  
Shippo? It can get really chilly on those planes. You sure you don't want to put on a sweater or something before we get on?  
  
Shippo shook his head vigorously. No, thank you. Anyway, it's never chilly on airplanes. Just brisk.  
  
What's the diff, kid? Inuyasha halted his muttered stream of swear words.  
  
Actually, according to the Tenth Edition Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, brisk, adj., means fresh and invigorating, whereas chilly, adj., mean noticeably cold. Sango was quite surprised to find that she wasn't the only person who had oh-so-helpfully recited from the Tenth Edition Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. She and Miroku looked at each other, mouths agape.  
  
Shortly afterwards, the annoying monotone voice came over the loudspeaker again. It directed the male passengers to line up on one side of the room and the female passengers to line up on the other side for a security check. The group separated. Sango and Kagome were allowed skip the line since they were stewardesses. They brought Shippo with them.  
  
Um, Sango? Kagome nudged Sango as they passed the front of the lines. Why are the females being frisked by a man, and the males by a woman? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?  
  
Yeah you're right...Oh, I get it, I bet they switched for the guy-frisker. At Kagome's shocked expression, Sango cocked her head at him. No, I don't think it's for perverted reasons, he was probably uncomfortable feeling men up...listen.  
  
Wow, that combinathon of jeanth and thatin ith thimply thuper-lithouth! The man was happily chatting away with the women as he worked...  
  


--~--  


  
How advantageous this is for us! Do you realize that this means the person who does the male patdown will be a woman? Maybe she will be an attractive female, or even better, an attractive female looking for an intelligent man, or. . . Miroku grew starry-eyed as his imagination galloped off into the wild.  
  
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and kicked Miroku in the shins. Sometimes Miroku was almost as bad as Myouga. Speaking of Myouga. . .  
  


--~--  
  


Sleeping Fruity had awoken, ready to wreak havoc on the peaceful world. He was currently ogling the man patting down the women. Actually, he looked a little like Fabio. . .  


  
--~--  
  


Inuyasha, with Miroku and Myouga in tow behind him, craned his neck to try and see how far from the front of the line they were. Other than Shippo, the fact that he had barely known him for five hours notwithstanding, and Sesshoumaru, there was nothing he hated more than standing in lines. Especially seemingly endless lines where freaky people patted you down once you got to the beginning. Luckily for Inuyasha, he discovered that he was next up. Unluckily for Inuyasha, he recognized the person doing the frisking.  
  
La?! You again? Oh, how wonderful! There stood Yura, in all of her five-sizes-too-small-uniform glory.  


  


--~--  
  


A severe-looking woman shot a disapproving glare in the direction of a young man with dog-ears. She looked like she had been very pretty at one time, but dashed it all by over-tanning herself into a leather shoe. It wasn't the dog-ears that bothered her, though. In fact, someone she once knew had dog-ears, too. The thing that was annoying her was his girlish shrieking. The fact that everyone within a five-yard-radius was now covered in his ripped out silver hair wasn't that great either.   
_  
Honestly, if he needed to have a mental breakdown, he could at least have had it somewhere else. And he could take that sick man in the broken whatever-that-was with him.   
  
_Sometimes she wondered why she was a teacher. How could she possibly have liked kids and teenagers? They were just so annoying, except for the adorable kindergarten boy she once taught. The sweet boy was actually the one with the strange but still very cute dog ears. The woman sighed, getting lost in her memories.  


  
--~--  


  
What the heck are you doing here?! I thought I was rid of you! Hey! And aren't guys supposed to be frisked by other guys? For the millionth time that day, Inuyasha had an unholy freakout.  
  
Miroku meekly peeked around Inuyasha to see what the matter was. He immediately wished he hadn't.  
  
Feigning indignance, Yura replied, From the way you said that, I almost thought you didn't like me! What a pity. And you have such beautiful hair. . .oh well, I guess it's not _that_ bad. I mean, I guess I really wouldn't want a man who _wanted_ to be frisked by another guy.  
  
Inuyasha looked affronted. What the--! I'm not gay! That's him. Inuyasha tossed his head back in the direction of Myouga. I just don't like having sluts crawling all over me.  
  
La! How dare you call me a slut! This time Yura did not feign indignance. She gave her tiny skirt a rather large upwards flick.  
  
Miroku decided that now was probably a good time to break them up. He cleared his throat.   
  
Perhaps we should put a rest to this argument and continue with the security check. He gestured to the murderous line behind him. There are people behind us and they are becoming quite impatient.  
  
With a sullen look, Yura grudgingly made Inuyasha take off his shoes and stand on the stool. She ran her hands quickly over Inuyasha's body. The poor man looked ready to barf when she lingered just south of his belt. Finally, Miroku decided to save Inuyasha once more. It is highly unprobable that anyone would store firearms in his undergarments (Yura: Is that a gun in your boxers/briefs or are you just happy to see me?) . . . assuming, of course, that he's wearing under-  
  
Shut up, monk-boy!   
  
May I remind you that I am not a monk. . . far from it, in actuality. . . I am merely interested in theology and higher philosophies. As Buddha once said, Our theories of the eternal are as valuable as those that a chick which has not broken its way through its shell might form of the outside world.'   
  
What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Why, absolutely nothing!! Eh, I mean, unless you have the proper spiritual training, of course. . .   
  
Yura observed the entire discourse amusedly. She shook her head in a confused manner and continued to frisk Inuyasha with vigor. This reminded Miroku of his original purpose. You have been performing your security check on Inuyasha for the past five minutes. Is it quite necessary for you to continue, my good lady?  
  
Yura nodded and licked her lips at him. Yes. I'm all done with him. It's your turn now, cowboy.  
  
Miroku suddenly realized that in rescuing Inuyasha, he had signed his own death warrant.   
  
_Did she just call me a c. . . co. . . cowboy?!!_  
  
Surely you do not think me so suspicious a character that you would need to frisk me, do you? Miroku choked.   
  
La? I have to. It's my job. Oh, don't look like that. I think it could be a very. . . _enjoyable_. . . experience.  
  
Wincing, Miroku closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping onto the plastic stool.   
  
_Clear mind. . . control breathing. . . inhale, exhale. . . in, out. . ._  
  
Poor Miroku. All of his efforts to transcend the tortures crashed and burned as Yura rubbed his chest and made not-so-random exclamations.  
  
Your pecs are so firm. La! You have quite a six pack. . .  
  
Miroku had just narrowed his epitaph choices down to six or seven when Myouga began to have another seizure, successfully distracting Yura with vile drool sprays.  
  
La! What a disgusting man! Get him away from me! Yura had literally jumped onto Miroku, shrieking. Under normal circumstances, Miroku would not have complained about having women hanging off of him. However, having the Yura vamp on him wasn't exactly normal circumstances.  
  
Oh, he's too old and senile to be dangerous. Here, just go through already, old man. She reluctantly extracted herself from Miroku. La! You have his spit all over you! You're done, too. Go away! Shoo!  
  
Miroku was all too happy to comply. Unfortunately, before he and Inuyasha could happily skip off into the sunset, she suddenly cried out to them.  
  
Wait! I forgot! Come back here, no, not the gross guy, just you two.  
  
The two men reluctantly shuffled back over to Yura with sense of impending doom.  
  
You have one more person who needs frisked.  
  
No way! I'm not letting you anywhere near Corduroy, wench! Inuyasha's protectiveness suddenly resurfaced.   
  
La! Did you just call me wench? Aww, you're such a cute little puppy. Did you know that? It's too bad you have that attitude problem. Now hand over the bear or else I'll call security.  
  
Inuyasha reverted back to torn-between-Corduroy-and-dignity mode. Miroku noticed this and made the choice for him, having no desire for unnecessary rendezvous with security. He stuck his hand in one of the various pockets in Inuyasha's cargo pants where the bear had been hidden after the baggage check incident. Pulling out the bear, he turned it over to Yura.  
  
At last! The bear! Oh, Corduroy! We could make such a great team, you know. La! Your fur is to die for! Yura was running her hands up and down the fuzz on Corduroy's stomach, eyes closed in ecstasy.  
  
Hey lady! Get a room! The sick woman was thrown out of her twisted paradise. Apparently, the rest of the airplane's eventual passengers were growing impatient.  
  
Yeah! Quit harassing the bear and get on with the frisking! We have a flight to catch! A man who appeared to be in his early twenties shook his flight ticket at her menacingly. Well, at least as menacingly as a flimsy paper flight ticket could be.  
  
You guys actually want her to frisk you? Ha! I'm not letting that little ho anywhere near me! Strangely enough, this comment came from a nerdy looking child clutching a thick novel about nematodes and echinoderms. Kids these days. . .  
  
If she touches me, I'm going to call my lawyer and sue! shouted a portly man with a quickly reddening face.  
  
Ah, me lads. Doon't git all worked up over the lass. I know I wouldn't mind a little bit o' her. She's a lucky charmer, she is. Needless to say, the poor man who said this was quickly mauled to death.  
  
Don't listen to that fool! Come on! Let's just board already. Who cares what happens to her?  
  
With that, a stampede of balding forty-year old men in business suits ran Yura into the ground on their way to the plane. When they finished, Miroku let out a relieved sigh and, carefully sidestepping the actually-not-so-dead-but-still-crumpled-anyway Irishman (Ah, at least they weren't after me lucky charms fer once!), he picked up the bear that had started the whole mess. Miraculously, the bear seemed untouched except for a patch of tummy fur.  
  
Well, that seems to have concluded the security check. Shall we? Miroku looked at the settling dust clouds left in the wake of the rampaging men.  
  
Yeah. Let's get out of here before she wakes up. Looking slightly shaken, Inuyasha took a step towards the doorway and the ticket person. Miroku began to follow, pushing Myouga ahead of him, but was halted by a shout.  
  
Not so fast there, young man! Miss Koharu said ye were to be my escort!  
  
Miroku turned to look at the speaker. It was the fat lady in the red pants who had waved at Koharu during their conversation.  
  
_Crap! I nearly forgot about her. It's too bad. Oh, what I would do for a pretty woman right about now. . .  
  
_The lady drew Miroku out of his thoughts by speaking once more. However, this time she addressed Inuyasha.  
  
I know ye! Ye were the one who knocked me over five hours ago!  
  
Hah! Whatever you say, you old hag, the irritable young man snorted. Having said that, Inuyasha grabbed the wheelchair and disappeared onto the plane.  
  
Why I-! The old lady looked highly offended.   
  
Don't bother, milady. My deepest apologies for my traveling companion's behavior. Please excuse him, for he normally behaves as such. Once again, Miroku put on his ever-serene and charming face.  
  
Apology accepted. Ye seem to be a good man. What be ye name? (Rainwood: Doesn't Kaede's over/mis-use of ye' bug anybody else?!!)  
  
Miroku. Come, it is time to board the plane, Lady. . .er. . .?  
  
  
  


--~--  
  


Inuyasha flattened his ears against his head. It was so friggin' loud, what with the runt and all of the other passengers. He was glad he didn't have to worry about Sleeping Fruity much, though. Myouga had the window seat, next to Shippo, who was next to Inuyasha, who was sitting in the aisle seat. But even though he didn't have to deal with Myouga much, Shippo almost made him wish he did.  
  
The little fox-child couldn't seem to get enough of the plane. Starting with his fascination with the tiny pillows and blue blankets, he moved on to fiddling with the plastic-wrapped headphones and his mini-tv. However, what was really bugging Inuyasha was the way he played with the fold-out trays and the reclining seats.  
  
Look, kid. Do you want your seat down or not? Make your choice and keep it that way!  
  
But I don't know what I want. I'm testing it. And during science fair, Mrs. Onigumo said that the only accurate way of testing things was to repeat it a bunch of times. Also, you hafta control vari-bulls. So every time I repeat the test, I hafta control all the vari-bulls. And since you keep moving and being mean to me, you are making more vari-bulls, so I hafta test more.  
  
Huh. This Mrs. Onigumo sounds like another stupid teacher. Every single teacher I ever had was stupid, except for Miss Kikyo. She was nice and. . . Inuyasha trailed off and got an uncharacteristically thoughtful look on his face. He looked so contemplative, in fact, Shippo got scared and smacked him.   
  
Repeatedly.  
  
Inuyasha! Wake up! What's wrong with you!  
  
What did you go and do that for, you annoying little brat? Inuyasha's hand shot out and grabbed Shippo's wrist.   
  
You were thinking for once and it scared me. Shippo stuck his tongue out at Inuyasha.  
  
WHY YOU! Inuyasha shot out of his seat and prepared to pound Shippo into a pulsing pancake, but stopped as his prey turned his head suddenly, eyes widened in terror. Curious, he, too, turned his head in the direction Shippo was looking. Like Shippo, his eyes widened, though not in terror.  
  
_Miss Kikyo?!  
  
_The over-tanned lady was wearing an outfit that matched Kaede's and stalking down the aisle, squawking furiously to herself.  
  
. . . those fools. . . How dare they occupy the toilet when I need it?!!. . . Oh, good! The worthless idiot in here finally left. . . It's about time. The woman's tirade became muffled when she walked into the stall and slammed the thin metal door shut.  
  
_Whoa. She sounded mad. I've never heard her like _this _before. And I remember her looking prettier, too. . .  
_  
Inuyasha shrugged and turned to the quivering mass of fur next to him.  
  
Hey, Shippo! What's wrong with you? Inuyasha glanced at Shippo, surprised. It's just Miss Kikyo. I haven't seen her in ages, but she was my kindergarten teacher and she was really nice.   
  
Shippo stopped rocking back and forth and uncurled out of fetal position.   
  
Are you crazy? She's not nice! And I don't know who this Miss Kikyo' is. That's Mrs. Onigumo and I know cause she's my science teacher and the other kids said she used to be pretty before she married Mr. Onigumo and got in that accident, but I'll bet she was never pretty cuz she's too mean. Shippo crossed his arms, looking scarily like Inuyasha for a moment.  
  
Hey! I like Miss Kikyo and she's not mean! She is NOT ugly! Actually, she used to look a lot like Kagome. . . Inuyasha trailed off again, only to be brought back to reality by Shippo again.  
  
Does that mean you think Kagome's pretty, too? Shippo tugged at Inuyasha's sleeve with wide eyes.  
  
What! No way! I never said that! That annoying wench is _not _pretty! Feh. I'm done talking to you. Quit bugging me. Inuyasha shoved his arms into his sleeves and looked away in the normal flustered Inuyasha manner.  


  
--~--  
  


Miroku looked around. Inuyasha was in business class. Business class wasn't bad, not in the least. It was just that it didn't compare to where he was.   
  
_First Class. Oh, yeaaaaah._  
  
He sighed contentedly and leaned his seat back. Everything would be perfect, if he could just get rid of Kaede. She wasn't bad company, but she wasn't exactly eye candy. Neither was her sister, for that matter. Actually, the sister looked like she _used _to be pretty, though. Kaede couldn't even say that much. Miroku shook himself. That last thought had just been plain mean. However ugly he thought Kaede was, he had to admit she was kind and quite wise. If he wasn't going to get small chat, an intelligent conversation would do.   
  
_Kami knows how long it's been since I've had one of those, what with Inuyasha around all the time. . ._  
  
He resigned himself to his fate and closed his eyes.  
  


--~--  
  


And then after that, you hafta locate the nearest exit by the flashing lights. Hey! Are you listening to me! Inuyasha! Stop! It's important for our safety. Inuyasha lazily gazed at Shippo out of the corner of his eye and yawned, showing off his pointy fangs.   
  
What does it matter, kid? The stewardesses are just going to come and tell us again later.  
  
Yeah, but you're not going to listen then, either. You're so stubborn sometimes. Shippo poked Inuyasha resentfully.  
  
Quit poking me, kid. Inuyasha closed his eyes. Man, that kid was annoying. And Kagome actually liked him? He snorted at the thought and corrected himself. No, she _adored_ the kid and was actually happy her family was adopting him.  
  
Well, you had better listen. Okay, so then you look under your chair and there's an inflatable-- You're not listening to me! Shippo puffed himself up into the pink balloon of terror once more and gnawed on Inuyasha's ears.  
  
Inuyasha swatted at the auburn annoyance. Get off me, ya little brat!  
  
This was going to be a long fifteen hours indeed. . .  
  


--~--  
  


Miroku awoke with a start, aware of a hand on his arm.  
  
Wake up, Miroku! Tis time for the stewardesses to give the safety speech.  
  
Miroku wasn't even about to pretend to pay attention and go back to meditating, when he saw the stewardess doing the demonstration.  
  
_Sango! Wow, she's a sight for sore eyes! _(Reynamangga: Chocolate for whoever remembers who Miroku said that to, and where he said it!)  
  
Moving on to using your seat belt, which is to be on at all times as long as that light is on, you must first grasp Tab A and firmly insert it into Slot B, like so. . .  
  


--~--  
  


Two little girls tugged at their caretaker's sleeve.  
  
Uncle Ken? Why is that man with the funny ponytail laughing like that? It's scary. The girl who asked fixed an earnest look on the man.  
  
I don't know. He's a strange man, that he is. Now sessha thinks you two should listen to the stewardess again, de gozaru yo. It's for your safety, you know. The man gently turned the girls' heads back to the lady up front.  
  


--~--  
  


Sango narrowed her eyes. Even after only five hours, she could still recognize that sound anywhere. As to what _he_ was laughing at, she could only guess. Not that she wanted to know, of course. She tried counting to ten but, like usual, it didn't work. Unable to keep her composure any longer, she picked up a barf bag.  
  
Alright. This is a barf bag. You can find one in the pockets on the back of the seat in front of you. These are there for your convenience, in the undesirable occurrence of airsickness. However-  
  
Sango walked up the aisle, right over to where Miroku was sitting.  
  
- You must always be sure to close it tightly so that if your hand slips, something like _this_--  
  
Sango picked up the open bag and forcefully jammed it over Miroku's head, eyes flashing and teeth bared(Why, hello, Mr. Barfbag. Now, as I was saying to my good friend, Mr. Floor. . . ).  
  
--won't happen. Sango's pleasant smile returned.   
  


--~--  
  


Inuyasha was in a whole different section than Miroku's, but he had still heard the perverted laughter and its abrupt end. Of course that wasn't saying much, because it was really only one or two rows away. . .  
  
_Ugh. Can't he think of anything else?  
  
_Kagome put down the the barf bag she was demonstrating with and gave everyone a perky smile. . . . And that's it! Takeoff will commence in five minutes. If there is anything you need, press the stewardess button. Thank you for riding Japanime Airlines and have nice fligh-  
  
Kagome was interrupted by a voice over the plane's intercom. Hello, this is your pilot, Kouga, speaking. We will be taking off momentarily. Could Miss Higurashi please report to the cockpit?  
  
Yuck. It's _Kouga._ Shippo spat. He keeps trying to talk to Kagome and I think he's in love with her. He can't take a hint. Oh well. . .what's up with you, Inuyasha? You look like you just swallowed a lemon.  
  
Feh! What are you talking about? Shut up already. You're being annoying, but then again, what else is new?  
  
HEY! YOU BIG MEANIE!!  
  
Once again, the freaky pink Kirby/Jigglypuff balloon from heck appeared and attacked Inuyasha's head. (Rainwood: Sorry, but our little brother seems to be convinced that we are as captivated as he is by pink blobs that snarf up- -_inhale_ other people's powers...)  
  


--~--  
  


The dark plane went silent as the tvs turned on. It wasn't quite time for the movie to start as they still had a bunch of commercials to go through.  
  
. . .and now from our sponsors at Pantene Pro-V (Reynamangga: Which we don't own. . .). . .  
  
The camera panned up slowly to show the back of a person making strange noises in a shower. From the legs, it moved up to linger on the butt (there ya have it...Fluffy's butt!), and up further to show luxurious hair flowing down the mysterious being's back. Suddenly, the person whipped the shower aside, putting its hands on its hips, clothing magically appearing on its body.  
  
I believe in miracles, you sexy thang! The stunning model broke into song, silver hair swirling in a convenient breeze  
  
The plane gaped at the singing and dancing person in the shower. Suddenly, as quickly as the silence came, it left. The sound of chattering and wolf-howls filled the air.  
  
Wow! That is a hot mama!  
  
(Rainwood: Ever see Wayne's World? Reynamangga: Which we also don't own. . .)  
  
If my wife looked like that, I'd quit it with the LSD!  
  
That girl can't possibly have been human! She was too. . .too. . .  
  
Keh. Of course _he_ isn't human. Inuyasha snorted.  
  
What do you mean, Inuyasha? Do you know her? Shippo gave Inuyasha a questioning look.  
  
HIM!! HIM!!! HIM!!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL! Inuyasha suddenly jumped up and out of his seat and shouted at the top of his lungs in Shippo's face.  
  
. . .?  
  
That's my brother! Inuyasha exclaimed. Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Myouga?! What are you staring at?  
  
That is one steaming hot hunk o' man! Ahhhhhhhhh. . .  
  
Inuyasha grabbed Myouga by the shoulders and shook him, headphones with dangling plastic wrap and all. That's my brother! Weren't you listening to me at all? Er--I mean. . . he's not my brother. Just the fruitcake who grew up in the same house that I did.  
  
Master Inuyasha! Are you saying that's Lord Sesshoumaru? My, he's grown up to be quite tasty--er, I mean handsome. Myouga quickly corrected himself.  
  
Yeah, Jaken seemed to think the same thing. What was with my dad and gay geezers? Yuck, no, no, no! I didn't mean it like _that_!  
  
Jaken?! You mean I have competition?!  
  


--~--  
  


Exactly why did you push the stewardess button this time? Sango looked at Miroku exasperatedly, foot tapping away.   
  
Dear, gorgeous, lovely Sango, I need your aid in inserting the tab into the slot! Miroku clasped Sango's hands in his.   
  
What was that! An aura of flames surrounded Sango as she held up a barf bag threateningly.   
  
Miroku waved his hands in panic. Eep! No! Not like that!! She's asleep and sitting on my seat belt! I don't have enough slack to fasten it.  
  
Sango put the barf bag away. Oh. Well, then. . .  
  


--~--  
  


Dragonball Z Announcer-esque voice: It appears that our heroes have finally made it on the plane. The flight has already been interesting thus far, but this is only the beginning. They haven't even taken off yet! What other exciting adventures are in store for our heroes? Tune in on the next exciting episode of Dragonba...er...Airline Escapades to find out!  
  
  
  
  
  
**Authors' Note: **Rainwood here, did you miss me?!! I missed all of you!!!  
  
*Reynamangga snatches and. . . utilizes. . . a barf bag from Sango*  
  
Er, anwhooo. . . We're in the best time of the year; after the end of the school year but before the annual report-card-related groundings! We hope you liked the chapter. We're aware that it was extremely dialogue heavy, but hopefully, you don't care about stuff like that ^_^  
  
Time for s'more shameless self-promotion. . . I only got two reviews for my other story, To Forget the Unforgettable. T_T It looks stupid and sappy, but I promise you it isn't. . . It even has Monty Python, Wayne's World, and Beatles references! What more could you ask for?!!  
  
. . . Don't answer that, Reynamangga. . .   
  
Since it's summer, we should be able to churn this story out quicker. Hopefully, at least, since I'm leaving for France in a couple of weeks and we won't be able to write then.  
  
Review, review, review!!! Or should I go for reverse psychology? Better not. Revieeeeeeeew!


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